I’m KiniMama! A thirty-something raising her 2 crazy keiki (children) in beautiful Maui. Making the most out of Every Single Day that I am blessed to be living and breathing on MamaEarth. Working, playing, eating (my favorite!), and sometimes just fighting to make it from sunrise to sunset.
Sounds just like you, huh? So why should I blog and why should you read this? Well, let me tell you a story about how strapping on a bikini after all these years of motherhood really changed my life…..
I had my first son at 25–okay wait, let’s go back. Before I had my son, I will admit, I was fly. That’s what we called it back then. I wouldn’t call myself a model, but I had a slammin’ body, okay? I realize that now. Sounds just like you, huh? So, you must know what happens to Dat Body after baby comes. Ouch! Yes, yes. Physically, it went to shit.
But mentally, I was also transformed. I thought feeling sexy, making pretty and doing things for myself were no longer allowed. I thought my role in life was that of domestication. Cook every night, clean every weekend. I abandoned friendships, never made fun plans, and isolated myself to a degree.
Does this sound just like you? Anyone?
So, years of this loner stuff. Do you feel sorry for me yet? Please don’t. I’m an Aquarius and we are somewhat independent loners to begin with. And in the meantime I taught myself how to cook and somewhat maintain a household. This went on for years, people.
Fast forward to 2013. No wait. 2012.
Raise your hand if you have ever struggled to conceive a child. Now, raise your hand if you have lost a child to miscarriage, pregnancy loss or stillbirth. There are a lot of us. One in four in fact. And one day, I will share about my personal journey with miscarriage. But not today.
Long story short, let me tell you that infertility and miscarriage can be some hard shit to deal with. My journey was much shorter than most, and yet it was the longest, darkest, loneliest days of my adult life. As a result of this experience I became very angry with my body. I hated my body for failing me. For failing my babies. My self-image became a very negative thing. I know there are a few of you reading this and relating and nodding.
That is to say, if anyone is reading this at all.
Well, finally, in August 2013, I was given an amazing, strong-willed, wild-child. I will introduce him later.
Two sons, yes!
But let me tell you. I still wasn’t very nice to my body. Two kids had ruined any chance of a bourdoix photoshoot. I mean, that was it for me. If I was a frumpy domesticated kitty before all that, what would 2 kids do to me?
Or so I thought.
Somewhere in there, my dear friends opened an online swim boutique. These are some fabulous, fashionable friends; way beyond my humble place in life (in my messy kitchen, covered in spit up, burning the spaghetti). Don’t we all have those friends? But they were good friends, to say the very least. So I got a “sitter” (aka husband) and attended one of their super sassy launch parties where you sip champagne and try on designer swimwear with everyone cheering you on.
Guess who tried that shit on?
Ya’ll. It was an Acacia Swimwear teahupo’o full piece in cape cod print, white with navy blue pinstripe with crochet chest detail. It was beautiful, and I was certain it was beyond me.
I was transformed.
I looked in the mirror and saw myself. And was impressed. I mean, not as hot as the girl who tried it on before me, but I felt like a woman. Does this sound crazy?
Guess who bought a suit. Days later–after much thought and obsessing. It was a pretty penny, but it was a penny that made me feel PRETTY and it was worth every penny.
I finally felt so amazing and confident. I suddenly wanted to go to the beach, the park, the pool. To swim, lay in the sun, build sand castles. I looked forward to each weekend, and happily planned how I would spend it, with my family, in the sun. I had something to look forward to. My quality of life tripled, as did my children’s love of the ocean.
We set out early in the morning and are usually home for an early afternoon nap, spending the rest of the day relaxing off the morning’s sunkissed bliss.
And yes the chores get done, dinner gets cooked. The house is still in decent shape. I am a work in progress, I have weight to lose and life lessons to learn. Only now I am happy. Hubby is happy. Kids are happy. Because I’m not just mama, I’m KiniMama.