How to take a (Fucking) Compliment

You know what really gets me? 

“No, what gets you? Please, tell us!”

What gets me is that a growing number of women (& maybe a smaller percentage of men) just cannot take a (fucking) compliment without putting themselves down.  What gets me is that this response is so predictable, it’s almost expected, isn’t it?  I mean, you’ve done it, I’ve done it, we’ve all done it.  Every woman has gotten into a you’re-so-pretty-no-I’m-not-yes-you-are cycle.  And it’s  awkward for everyone, amiright? 

 

“Does this baby belly make me look phat?”

 
Someone tells you how nice you look, you respond with how many pounds you need to lose, how ugly or yucky you feel, maybe point out a flaw, like how you’re 3 weeks late coloring your roots.  You might even call them a liar.  And it’s not just our appearance, it can be in response to “what a lovely home you have,” or “your car is so clean!” The response is typically a denial of the same. Right?

What is it with this?  Is it a humble thing? Are we trying to be humble?  Are we not allowed to feel fabulous about ourselves or accept that we are fabulous or, heaven forbid, admit openly that we are indeed fabulous. 

Yes, apparently, being dissatisfied withourselves has become the polite thing to do.  And it’s not the expectation of he observer, it’s the expectation we have of our own behavior.  How sad is it that we are more comfortable being in a position of self-doubt, self-hate, self-conscious than we are with being confident, satisfied and happy with ourselves.  To feel that we are enough:  perfectly imperfect, as nature intended. 

As nature intended.

More importantly,  how can we turn this trend around so that our daughters and sons will grow up seeing and knowing and trusting that it is okay to love yourself?  We tell them that it isn’t okay to put people down.  Yet, they witness their super-heros (us) putting ourselves down on the regular.  As we all know, the Keiki are always watching, always listening, always learning.  They take in so much more than we realize. 

 I became blatantly aware of this problem when I heard an elementary aged child talking about their “fat belly.”  It broke my head to hear that  this healthy and perfect little girl had already begun viewing her body in a negative way. Then I remembered I had said the same things to myself in the mirror that morning. How fucked up is that? 

As always, KiniMama has the answer. 

“Hey, girl you look great!”

Okay now stop. Stay with me. You don’t feel great?  But they are saying you look great. Is there a chance you might be great? Can you consider that for a second?  What if, in fact, you are great? What then? Is the world still okay? Are you still okay? If you admit that you are ‘enough’ right now today, does that mean you can’t pursue those 10 lbs weight loss you’ve been working on? 

(Rhetorical questions, obviously)

Let me offer a few optional responses and you just pick which one works for you.

1. “Thank you!” 

Yes, it works, super polite, but not much fun.  And I like fun.  Can we avoid using this one? Or just keep using this one on instageam? Just for the purpose of our experiment? Kthanks.

2. “Thank you, this is my favorite bikini right now.”  

So much truth in this. Because really, isn’t that why you put it on?  Because it’s your favorite. Right. Now. This response is perfect for those getting used to accepting compliments, go ahead and give your bikini/dress/earrings the credit.

3. “Thanks, I really tried today.” 

This is my fave. I mean, how appreciative yet REAL.  I use this one often because on that day I brushed my hair, donned some mascara and picked out a decent outfit.  I fucking tried and someone fucking noticed, so, yes, thank you!

4. “Thank you, I feel great!” 

I love this. It’s a bold proclamation of self-love; and let me tell you, it is contagious.  Can you imagine if your child hears you utter these words? “Mom feels great, the world is good!”  He will see that it’s okay to feel great and it isn’t problem to let people know it. 

 

Photo-Cred: The 8 year old, watchin’ mama demonstrate self-love


CONGRATULATIONS! 

You have just accepted a compliment without putting yourself down.  You have served as a model of healthy confidence that others (especially the Keiki) will respect and appreciate.  An attitude of self-love that is contagious. If you continue to do this, you may find that you stand a little taller.

And while we are at it, look in the mirror and give yourself a compliment, any compliment.  Own that shit. Because you, are fabulous! 

Always watching, always listening.

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5 thoughts on “How to take a (Fucking) Compliment

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