On Bad Beginnings

Just wondering if anyone else started their day as a collapsed, sobbing ball of motherhood on the floor this morning….no?

 Just me?

 To be honest, I tweaked my back wrestling my 2 year old to get dressed and just felt defeated… Laying there in my low point, my 8 year old tells me, “you’re just stressed, mom.” So I picked my ass up off the floor, reapplied my mascara and carried on, like mommies do.

Mornings can be challenging for me.  Getting 3 people ready and out the door in 45 minutes… That’s 3 different levels of altertness and focus, 3 different moods… The day ahead has 3 different goals: work, school, day care; that’s 3 different worries, excitements… You get where I’m going with this. 

So when a morning goes well, I am like a tear jerking Nobel Peace Prize recipient, “I’d like to thank Jesus… And Elias and Mathis.”

But when it goes bad… what a bitter taste it leaves… when the only 45 minutes you get with your children is spent in a struggle.  This is likely the most chronic of all the mom guilts.  Even if you successfully end the morning drop offs with I-Love-Yous and sweet kisses, the regret follows us through our days, reminding us that we have yet again failed to keep our shit together. You can’t fucking wait to see them again and show them mommy is loving, and patient and fun.

And when the day progresses into evening… your kids are actually happy to see you… a bad morning didn’t ruin their day and somehow they still think you walk on water.  I suppose that’s Family… Eternal forgiveness and understanding.  We are imperfect beings, us mothers, in a world that demands perfection.  We have to be patient with them as well as with ourselves. And there is always (usually) tomorrow. 

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4 thoughts on “On Bad Beginnings

  1. Super Jan says:

    I relate to this so well. My son just turned one a week ago, and he is developing and growing so quickly, that is draining on the two of us, and we have standoffs where he is throwing a tantrum for some unknown reason, and I am just sitting there, crying, completely overwhelmed that he is screaming at me for the tenth time and it isn’t even noon. Later in the day is always better. When he climbs onto the couch with a book, and we read and watch cartoons together… those are the moments that make the stress, anxiety, and tears totally worth it. Stay strong!

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  2. Angela says:

    I can’t even begin to express how on point this is!! thank god for tomorrows with each mornings breath.. To do better, be better and patience, no matter how far away it seems to be able to grasp at times.. Comes with time and experience.. I hope..anyway ❤ cheers to unconditional love and drive of family that keeps us mamas going❤

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  3. Wailana says:

    I can so relate, and I’m nodding my head in agreement as I read your well-chosen words. Thank you for the confirmation that I’m normal and not a total failure because I don’t live up to the put-together moms I see in the Parenting magazine! Which by the way I no longer read for that reason! lol

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