Planting Seeds

This is my one year mark.

I was born a creative soul.
It’s hard to describe the purpose that being creative has to the dreamers and artists of the world.  Creating art; whether through written words or tangible items, music… it can bring such a simple sense of satisfaction and paste amounts of fulfillment.  Wether it was something to be shared or rantings in a personal journal, I have always considered myself a writer, always writing.

There is very little money in creating art.  So there came a point in my life where I chose to start a family and establish a career.  I feel so lucky to actually have a job that involves a large amount of writing. However, very little creativity is involved.  I never mention it, as I prefer a sense of privacy in this area, but my 9 – 5 essentially involves the gathering of life stories from individuals who come before the Court, and await sentencing.  My job is to tell their story in a neutral and factual way that gives all parties involved an idea of where this person has come from thus far in life.  It’s truly fascinating.

However, years passed without a single page of written art.    Even journaling faded away, and eventually, it all became a matter of business.

In life, we don’t get to choose what inspires us, just ask all the Pokemon Go crazies.  In some ways it chooses us.  Bikinis found me.  You know the story.  But I mean, how embarrassing, right?  To be a woman in your 30s, obsessed with swimwear?  So I initially created a super secret instagram account, where I could shamelessly babble with other die-hard  fans, oo-ing and awe-ing over cheeky cuts, strap detail and sale codes.  I quickly became “known” in this small facet of instagram and my following grew.  Eventually my friends discovered my secret identity and it actually wasn’t as embarrassing as I thought.

In fact, I feel like they may have found it humorous but also surprising to see me boldly yapping about bikinis.

This is where I have to give a tremendous shout out to my friends Sarah and Theresa (owners of The Lucky Honey) who encouraged me to continue the momentum in new ways.  They offered me some opportunities and that was so motivating.

I believe it was Sarah specifically who told me “You should start a blog!”

Sarah is one of those big sister type friends, who loves you for you and tells you like it is and you of course listen to her.  Not to mention she is incredibly smart and business savvy and when Sarah tells you to start a blog… you start a blog.

And so the seed was planted. Simply planted. I clumsily wrote my first blog post and was practically shaking as I hit “publish.” And sat and waited for the walls to crumble around me and my vulnerable heart.

I remember the huge rush of excitement when I had two people read my blog! It made my day!  Then the texts rolled in.  Friends who saw a different side to me and were inspired and impressed.  The fear was replaced with pride and I continued to nurture my little garden that had sprouted.

Over the months I was very forgiving with myself as I stumbled over the process of figuring out who I was, why was I doing this, what I had to say, and how I wanted to say it.  Is KiniMama a person or a thing?

There are times I care more about what people want to hear from her than what I actually want to say.  There are times I contradict myself in different writings, and I’ve come to realize that’s totally acceptable.  Because life is a big contradiction at times, aint it? We are living, but we are also dying.  (too deep?)

So things continue to grow and grow and just when I think they’ve hit full blossom and the petals appear to fall a new bud appears in the form of opportunity.

I’m just gonna say it:  I don’t think I would have as much attention as I do now without the opportunities of exposure given to my by my friends at The Lucky Honey (I can’t even count) plus the 15 minutes of fame when Acacia Swimwear shared my booty a few times.  They have supported my mission of embracing ones self through what else, looking gorgeous in beautiful swimwear.  I mean, it’s just a bikini pic, but its amazing how many people get curious about who I am and what I have to say when an image of me is out there.  Traffic quadruples and the message spreads! It’s such a small thing but a huge thing at the same time.

In the latter part of the year, I have received chances to write as a guest blogger for The Lucky Honey, The Village Magazine, Bikini Luxe, as well as receive the headline spot for this fun article in Buzzfeed.  It’s so much fun to receive opportunities outside of KiniMama Blog because I get to work with new angles and ideas inspired by the different facets I’m working with.  These  And the response has been fantastic.  The shock of “a fat girl in a bikini” has worn off and the negativity has decreased.  We aren’t normalizing chubby, we are normalizing self-love and empowerment in women of all sizes.  I hear from slender ladies as well as full-figured that they are inspired to acknowledge their own self-worth and beauty.

The feedback I receive has been thrilling and quite flattering.  I do my best to stay humble in the excitement of it all.  After all.  I am nothing more than a mother, bikini fanatic and artist, seeking fulfillment in life amidst the madness, just like everyone else.

Thank you for this year, and for being here for it.  I look at the little garden I’ve planted, like, wow, I just did that.  And I’m not done yet.  I’m just going to keep walking these shores, taking selfies and writing about it.  There are so many more bikinis to drool over, things to ponder and people to inspire. 

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