Oh, January. What the heck?
It’s been an eventful month to say the least. Lots of changes. Change is good. I believe that, I do. But in the face of change we can find ourselves despondent and detached. Fight or flight, as they say, but what about just sit there and observe. Thats me. That’s where I’ve been the last 30 days. Sitting and observing and eating too much chocolate and trying to embrace these changes being thrown my way.
Yesterday was by birthday. The eternal reminder of change. The promise that you are getting older and your life is moving along as it should. Always a lot of looking back, looking forward…the same shit I dislike about New Years Eve. I struggle with this because isn’t being present the center of spiritual wellness? They say looking back can spark depression and looking forward can trigger anxiety.
I give you exhbit A: ” Why Mom? Why?”
And for exhibit B, “looking forward” just google the price of Disney tickets for a family of four and tell me if that induces any sense of anxiety.
But life is like a spool of yarn and our experiences wrap around each other, touching and weaving and there are moments where you just have to embrace your history and your future and how they both are significant to where you are standing now, in the present.
Yesterday was also the first sunrise following Friday’s New Moon in Aquarius. We are more or less saturated with newness and change.
So when setting those intentions for this New Moon, when contemplating what progress I’d love to see in my 35th year, I realize that I’m fairly satisfied as is. I just want to continue being grateful and awesome. Of course there are things I could list off: maintain finances, eat better, not snap at my kids; but these are intentions I should be waking up with every single morning. I’m talking about the bigger picture, those life changers, those deep, poetic intentions. I simply have none.
But while being grateful and satisfied is the goal in life, life pushes us forward, past that. The moon wanes and waxes before us. The candles on the cake grow in number until you get so old you can’t fit all those candles and you end up getting just one princess candle and thats it. And then in that moment, we are told to “make a wish” and again I have nothing to wish for. It almost feels like a betrayal to my life as it is now to wish for something more.
But just like that one fancy little candle, maybe theres a point in life where you achieve just enough and now its time for the fancy dreams. Perhaps its time to be playful with your wishes and dreams. Think of something unimaginable for you, but appealing. Something thats tapped on your shoulder once or twice but you were too busy trying to eat less carbs to give notice to other aspirations. A trip you’d like to take. A new hobby to pursue. A feeling you’ve never had. An adventure close to home. A community movement. A hairstyle. Give yourself permission to want more our of each and every circle around that sun. The moon will cycle 13 times within the next year. How you will you personally transform within that time. Stay flexible. Make a wish. Make it happen.