A Decade a Bride

TEN YEARS AGO TODAY I was a bride. It was a nice backyard wedding on a beer drinking budget. A rainy day. A bashful Enoka. A white dress. A round belly. And the playful vulnerability of a woman who is leaning hard into her hopes and falling fast into her future.Marriage has gifted me with ample growth over these years. There’s been a lot of love and there’s been a lot of hurt. A steady dance of hardening and softening. We’ve had to rebuild ourselves a time or two–sometimes we see it coming and sometimes it catches us by surprise. But we always look back proudly at the positive result of pushing through.

Social Media often depicts marriage as “picture perfect”. Which creates an unrealistic expectation of what relationships are supposed to look like. It’s unfair to other young couples and you should never compare your marriage to others. 

Marriage consists of two flawed beings coming together with a foundation of love. Two people who make the choice to be together.

Two people. One choice.

The same choice, again and again and again.

There will be people along the way (sometimes well-intended people) who brush up against your marriage and influence it with opinions or actions. But do not be distracted.

There’s only two people. And one choice. 

Love is effortless and marriage is diligence. Sometimes your own efforts will be unrequited by your partner. Learn to verbalize your needs early on and establish your voice within your union. There will be tragedy. Meet this with intense affection and a healthy amount of space. There will be joy. Recognize it when it’s there. Celebrate it. Lust wanes at times, pulling back like tides to reveal the friendship between you. This is important but also unimportant and you’ll figure that part out on your own. Go on date nights. Alone time is where you ignite the spark, iron the wrinkles and remember why you chose eachother in the first place.

 Two people. One choice.

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