April & May of this year found me at home, grounded on paper, but perhaps not in spirit. In retrospect, there were many joys and benefits to…… Read more “Diary of Depression (Journal Gems Part Two)”
In Summer of this year, I began using my time and energy a little wiser. I tapped into the mood-booster of learning. I took zoom classes read…… Read more “Journal Gems Part 3”
In 1995, Alanis Morisette released Jagged Little Pill. I was 13. I just lost my father for the second of many times. I was still navigating puberty.…… Read more “Jagged Little Pill”
Every morning I wake up at 4am. Do my thing with coffee, staring at my journal and cards until the caffeine kicks in. I slowly work my…… Read more “Gripping the Sides”
I prayed, journaled, added warmth, cooling gels, applied salves, balanced crystals, took drugs, joined support groups, I praised my uterus, I asked it for forgiveness, I went to acupuncture, I ignored it, talked about it, stretched, convinced myself I was crazy, went to physical therapy and resigned myself to a life of discomfort, wondered why and then decided, isn’t pain reason enough?
I thought, if I could go talk to this girl, give her a heads up, what would I tell her? I decided: I wouldn’t tell her shit.
I wrote letters to friends down the street I couldn’t visit, and family members across the ocean. I pictured my letters creating a big arching rainbow across the sea. It felt like a special kind of magic, to create something that would travel both time and space; things that felt otherwise out of reach.
That time the whole world was sent to our rooms.
As little girls we hear fairy tales of true love. As young women we go searching for it. As we age we do more than we ever thought we would to save it. No one teaches us that measurement of marriage is something as deep as it is wide or tall.
The bags are packed. Correction–the bags are more or less packed.